loved-ones

Love a Good Story

I just Love a Good Story. Don’t you just Love a Good Story? Well, here is another Good Story.

I cleaned out a filing cabinet I have in my basement. I try not to hold on to things I don’t need, but before I got rid of the cabinet, I thought I would go through it. Guess what I found? I found a copy of my dissertation!! Georgia State, where I attended, has a copy of my dissertation in their library. I saw it after I was conferred and when I had received a notice stating that the dissertation was in the library collection. I went to see it. I just had to.

The librarian pointed to the section in the library where the dissertations were shelved by year. I took a minute to read some names of the others from previous years who had dissertations on the shelves. Then, I came to my name. Gently, I pulled the book out off the shelf, and held it in my hands. It was beautifully bound, the normal way dissertations are bound, as a book and hard cover, so I thought. I opened it to the title page printed with the title and my name under it. The title: Decentralization and Centralization: Components for Effectiveness and Efficiency as Related to School Problems. This document was the first time I had ever seen my name in print and associated with professional writing. I turned to the Table of Contents and saw an overview of the work I’d done to complete the dissertation. I scanned through and saw all the charts, tables, and other examples I included. I had forty-two sources and citations and an Appendix page where I included a survey.

In the back of my personal copy, I had many pages of notes from the research that were included in the paper. How about that title? Decentralization and Centralization were big ideas and problems during that time. We won’t talk about the “time.”

For someone with low self-esteem, I didn’t think I would go any further than the undergraduate program. Wasn’t that enough? I didn’t believe I would be accepted in the undergrad program much less actually earn the degree. But I earned a BS Degree. Now what? Could I actually earn an MS degree? I was accepted into the Masters Program and earned a degree. Should I dare go any further? Do I want to push it further? I could ruin things for myself, then where would I be. But I did. I pushed it; I took that one last step and even though I had to write a dissertation; I did it and earned my degree. I didn’t think about it at the time, but the topic I’d chosen was an ambitious one. I didn’t give up. Instead, I challenged myself.

After graduation, I took some time by myself to ponder what I had done. First, I read the paper again. I realized I had been holding myself back, thinking I couldn’t do something that I could do with dedication and effort. The moral of the story? Don’t limit yourself. Believe in yourself and know you can, especially if your heart is pushing you and telling you to go for it. Then go as far as you can; until you absolutely cannot see yourself doing anything more.

In my newest novel, coming out in a few months, my main character, Esther, finds herself alone after her husband and invalid son were killed in a gas explosion and fire at their personalized card shop, “All Sorts of Cards,” in Ohio where they lived. She was lost and couldn’t go on without her husband. What was she to do? What was her purpose? How could she move on after her loving husband showed her how to run a business and how to see her value and purpose in life? Moving ahead was difficult for Esther without her husband who was always by her side, showing her, explaining and believing in her. Who else would be that kind and patient? After thinking about it, Esther decided and planned it out for herself. However, Esther’s decision was extreme, and once she made it, there was no turning back for her.

But, of course there is more than just believing in yourself. There is an enormous amount of work involved after a decision is made. The follow through step. What was Esther to do? How could she follow through without Paul? They always did things together, and she was afraid to decide on anything or even take a stand on anything without him. Esther had to do something. She had to make herself a strong woman; she had to value herself, grow her self-esteem, didn’t she? How was she to do that? Where would she start? There was only one way she could start; only one way for her.

I have to say; I love this story because it’s about how many of us manage our lives, including me. Esther’s life is planned, but she doesn’t see it. She postpones her original decision and brings back her store after she’s moved to another city where her sister and husband live. This seems right at first, but then one problem after the other causes her to again, question her stage, her purpose. Did she make a mistake? Why can’t she find peace? She meets a twelve-year-old boy who wants to change his religion from Jewish to Christian whom she helps. By helping him she sees she must come off that island where she is alone and afraid. She, like us all, must find herself, the person she was born to be. She must see her value, her purpose, and her future. But is Esther capable of helping herself? Wouldn’t it be better if she could just play it safe and protect herself? Or why not just follow her original decision. Surely, that’s the best one. Surely, that’s what she should have done.